One last words

I know that i was a bad person

By praying that you brain dead or organ failure

and that you hospitalized, fighting for your life

The thing is, it is easy you know to assume things like that

Because then it won't hurt so much as you were in that state

That is why you cannot answer my call and any of my text

It is easy that way

But unfortunately you were not in that state

You were perfectly fine, enjoying your daily life

Honestly, that's really piss me off

The anger is taking over my emotion

I could feel the rage inside of me

Some powerful bomb that would be explode

Any time soon

You were fucking fine but you can't even give me any respond at all?

What kind of human being are you?

The one that have cold heart or just a heartbreaker?

That stealing heart and never said sorry.

What kind of person are you?

Tell me that you want to marry me just to leave me the next day?

Honestly, i cannot brain this

The things that you did is despicable and unacceptable

You give me false hope and you let me fall

Thinking that this time it would be different

That this time we had a chance to reach the finish line

That this time you will never ignore me like you used to

And everything will fall right into place

But i was wrong

Because you left without saying anything

Even with me begging you to tell me

Begging you so that i can move on and let you go

But all i ever get from you is nothing

And still i wait for you and hoping you come around

But i guess you already make your mind

You never did come back

It felt weird not to cry because i am failing again

I used to cry until there are no tears left to drop anymore

It felt weird because i could feel my heart breaking 

But i cant even shed any tear to let everything out

And this bottle up sadness converting to hates that are building up inside of me

This hateful feeling for you since you left 

And i do hate you.

I really really hate you

If there were other words that could show how hate i was to you

I would use it and replace it just to show how much i hate you

In fact this time i put all the blames in you

Even though i knew there maybe some fault in me

But i didn't ask for this like i did before
 We have been here before

The day i confess my feelings to you is actually for me to move on

I don't want to look back and regret not saying it to you

I just never thought you would said you like me too

A part of me was hope that this is it, we will be alright, meant to be and all those kind of bullshit

But you never said i was your girlfriend and i tried to be okay with it

After all i asked for this right, so i just need to suck it up and face it

Slowly, i could feel i lose myself

There are so many times i wanted to leave and let it go

But the 'what if' keeps popping inside my heart

And you keep on saying, we knew each other too well and too long

The friendship won every fucking time and that is why i stay and hold on

I keep coming back to you and just forget all those hurtful things you ever did

I swallow it up and act i was okay and happy

But He knows that i am not

How could you forget everything so easily?
And act as if i does not exist at all
Like a pro that have been doing it for million of times
I mean, I am struggle here
Maybe because i let myself fall deeply and attach too quickly
That is why i am ruin here, inside and out
I totally am in ruin here

Probably i did shed some tear along the way

And now that we reach the end, the tear just quickly drying

But today seeing suddenly your picture change in whats app

I know that you were alright and you were perfectly fine

You just dont't want me anymore

I wish you can just fucking said it

But you were a coward, always was

I know that i sound angry at the beginning with the swearing and everything

But i felt hurtful with the way you left and i hate you for that

I even blame you for that, mostly

But it is what it is

We cannot force things, I cannot force things

I am tired with everything that involve you and us

And i should stop

Obviously you don't want me anymore

And i guess i should really stop waiting and hoping

Burning this bridge between us

Its over now, so over

I am letting you go

And this would be the last

I won't talk about you in here anymore

But right here, right now

You on my mind after seeing the whatsapp

I know you don't want to talk to me

Probably you won't even read it

Ignoring me is a bliss to you right?

But this is somehow one last words from me to you